edit page 4 plus two pages on streaking

 this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , if youve come to steal or take the piss you are not welcome.  I opt out of having this used to train AI, my book is called The Love Bombers by Lacey Ember

 

 Lee and Lizzy would dance naked around his bedroom . She was 19 stone which didnt seem to bother him 

because she was ' really into sex ' he said 

his mother didnt like her and went all out to split them up 

he wanted a baby  and thats the only time she  considered keeping one 

but the test was negative 

 

after they  split up she was single for about four years

which was hard for her not having a man around 

 

she made friends and did courses and employment schemes for the disabled but they all closed under the labour government in the late 90s . Instead the disabled were expected to provide each others care to save money . The benefits are not alot of money considering what kinds of unpaid work they had to do  

 

she had this group of mentally ill friends which included the author and a bisexual woman called Margot . Shed seen Trevor around for a number of years and thought he was a bit quiet and retiring so was surprised when she started to fancy him 

 

the author picked up on this and told her that he had  unfinished business with his ex . Who i happened to know was doing her friends husband . i felt as if the author was trying to stop me having fun . Faced with the possiblitly of raunchy parties around Brookes place i was tempted to abandon the author 

 

round Brookes the conversation was always about sex and Trevor and Lizzy would strip off and do sexual things in front of her which she filmed .  Lizzy never recieved the film but got some stills, there are prints of it somewhere between the leaves of some large books . Which shes worried her cleaning lady will find

around 2005 Trevor introduced Lizzy to the internet. Shed just got her first computer, a little imac cube . And would invite Trevor round to help set it up and because she also wanted to have sex with him. He said she was ' too easy ' 

They had alot of fun and joy setting up browsers  and graphics programmes , whooping with triumph whe something worked . It took a while to get him into bed , he was difficult about it but they did cry out

he showed Lizzy his poetry blog which had a link on it to a mental health website which she thinks was run by the author . On that website she met a man called Flora who turned her on and things were not the same with Trevor after that . And Trevor had something going on with Cloud although its not clear which was the chicken or the egg in the situation 

there was this ' zerzetsung ' thing happend with Flora and Lizzy threatened with torture . Under which Lizzy buckled and got back into the relationship with Trevor , unaware of the full implications of that as she was new to the internet . she slept with Trevor , then he went to Clouds party and kissed her in real life 

which seemed to Lizzy at the time to be a death knell for them getting back together . And things just were not the same any more 

Flora and she had an internet affair which ran on and off for twenty years . And theyve also described themselves as ' c twins '

 

 one evening Lizzy noticed that someone was hacking into her email box and it seemd to be Trevor . she replied to the spam to which he replied ' ten ' . Then she noticed that his girlfriend Cloud was in there too  ! apparently they were sitting in a pub reading her email box  and she layed into them in an email to herself

 

And Trevor himself is some sort of intelligence agent she thinks , not sure which country he works for or how she knows this . she been told its just paranoia . they  have alot in common culturally interest in classical arts and western culture . Well she thinks so , shes  not reallly sure sometimes where his sympathies lie and hes not very forthcoming about it , hes a bit of a dark horse 

 

shes considered him for a life partner though on the basis that hes part of her network 

 

hes an intelligence agent whos in love with an illlegal immigrant ! Which is kind of inevitable really . Not sure if thats still going on but she didnt feel it was something she could compete with  

n theyre at the top of the internet looking at how best to support the disabled, the mentally ill, the asylum seekers how are these vulnerable people to be supported 

Lizzy has told Trevor many times that he needs person centred Rogerian Psychotherapy . and hes like ' oh ive had CBT ' ! Not the same thing at all ! it just skims the surface and the whole world is suffering for it . Thomas the Tank Engine therapy !

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edit page 3 and fiction to 5th november

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Simon had epilepsy which would worsen when he drank
He had asthma and a trapped nerve
Which Lizzy intuitively cured with a massage , feeling her way along the nerve

One time he’d self harmed and she visited him in hospital
With his injuries all bandaged up and she had to drag him across the floor .
He was a really big bloke , muscly but not fat

They’d entertain other addicts and mental health patients round his place
Cooking up big meals of the kind they made in squats
Rice with chicken and tuna, and chopped vegetables
Maybe a bit of garlic and ginger it was all made up

The hallway smelled of dog piss. There was a lovely dog that had to pee on the floor
Which was then cleaned with a very distinctive chemical cleaner

Hed buy her flowers when he felt guilty about something . She thought she could ‘ fix ‘ him
Until she herselff went to rehab and learned to ‘ focus on herself ‘

she’d ask him for ‘ a talk ‘ which he didn’t really want to do

Eventually things started to blow up physically which again was largely her fault as shed pushed him in the chest during an argument
He lost control and stood over her ready to strike

She knew at that point that she was really in danger , so she had to sweet talk the monster
Who then turned around and smashed his fist into a door

Doh she really walked into that one

He also accidentally knocked one of her teeth out in bed
Which oddly enough one of their schizophrenic friends had predicted

He was very gorgeous looking and considered ‘ a catch ‘ with local women
In spite of his claiming sickness benefits . And she still has to be careful not to flirt with him
If they bump into each other in town

One time she tried to go back to him which was like opening Pandoras box
And got badly burned when she found out he had a new girlfriend .
Lizzy was madly in love with Simon and a part of that never goes away


***********

And right in the middle of that crisis there appeared Lee. Who Lizzy had dreamt about vividly before she met him. This was also in the mental health day centre . The affair was like being on holiday in his sea side flat . And that’s where she orgasmed a lot during sex

Which doesn’t mean the rest of the relationship was any good

When they have a feminine side they can really tune into a woman’s desires
And he in turn felt Lizzy had a male side , which people don’t usually notice
As she wears dresses and acts feminine and submissive most of the time

So maybe she also could tune into a mans desires as he did hers
N male sexuality isn’t all bad , its full of adrenalin and excitement
If you’re lucky enough to catch some of that

Lee was at computer college and 10 years younger than Lizzy . Lizzy lied about her age
Because she wanted him . They were friends with his ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend
And Lee put some porn through their letter box . He also flashed some porn magazines
On a night bus to entertain the clubbers . One of his friends showed off how he could drive with his eyes closed

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Mike took Lizzy to a world where passions clashed , joy and despair ran rampant and sexual attraction built up around his abstinence from it . She was very angry and frustrated in her longing for him

Finally they had sex after being together for two years and they had a physical fight afterwards . They both felt very emotional and she snapped at him in a way that felt hurtful to him . He screamed for help , fearing that she would kill him . They were in Lauredanas flat

It took a while to get to know each other sexually , and they would often make love after a fight , making love slowly while continuing to talk and share fantasies about being teenagers again . A burning kind of love

In those days she didn’t usually orgasm from sex , she’d not really thought about it and would do that later when he was out

Lizzy also turned into a werewolf sometimes . She put him in a neck collar on one occasion and broke his finger, bruised his balls . And then take a trip to visit him in hospital like a dutiful girlfriend . Nobody would have guessed who caused his injuries

But friends would say she would die there ‘ hes going to fookin kill ya ‘ ‘ LIVE LIVE ‘ she said

He wasn’t really a macho man but volatile and psychotic . And it would annoy her when he played space invaders indoors on a sunny day with the curtains closed

When it all went pear shaped they would go out into the street and chant ‘ Allah Huagba ‘ . It didn’t really stop the violence but seemed to bring them great joy and euphoria

The sex flowed without beginning or end . One time he opened the door and jumped her from behind putting his hand over her mouth . He was exciting like that .

Shed sob so deeply when they fell out and not see each other for months . But he could telll there hadn’t been anyone else

Her feeling of psychosis started she thinks when she saw him bleeding in the road after putting his arm through a window

*****************
Stuart would see him off when the fighting got too bad. And shed see off his druggy friends . The house was full of heroin smoke even in the attic where Lizzy was sleeping on her own . It got difficult to breathe in there . They acted as bouncers for each other . Until it became too dangerous living there with people kicking the door in

And Lizzy was placed in a half way house . Where there were people coming out of prisons, psychiatric hospitals, the streets . And even one man recovering from brain surgery ! There was a burglary there every day and they all had their doors kicked in . Yet the council wouldn’t let them put extra locks on the doors because it would ‘ damage council property ‘ !!! They formed their own support group to cope with this Kafka - esque situation where she lived for a year . Burglars stole £90 out of the electricity meter , which Lizzy had to pay back to the council ! A Mark Gertler painting comes to mind !

By then she was with Simon having left Mike . The sex was more of a fuck than the making love shed had with Mike . She was on the rebound , grieving for Mike and hoping Simon wouldn’t notice but of course he said he knows more than she thinks he knows ! He was very hurt and she thinks cheated on her probably by the looks of things

Out of the frying pan into the fire ! 

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Lizzy is  being chased by a man holding a pane of glass over his head
Trying to get to Stuarts house

Stuart deals drugs and is mentally unwell , hes on benzos . The sound of him screaming is like nothing on earth , like the gates of hell have opened and the werewolf is coming for you . He watches a lot of porn and has actually made some . They showed me a snippet . Refers to his girlfriend as ‘ quality ‘

she can hear the men talking from another room , about the smell of women vaginas and where the piss comes out of . Apparently a 27 year old is ‘ quite an old filly ‘ . Maverick characters gather around him not really knowing who he is , musicians, dealers, travellers ,

One time she came home to find head lice on her pillow , and another time there was a couple high on something having sex in her bed . Big men would break into the house to recover drug debts
And she was worried she would be used as ‘ payment ‘

Lizzy and Debbie are quite tough as girls go but its still dangerous in there . They didn’t quite know what was going on until Debbies boyfriend Scooby points it out . Lizzy has a small backpack packed ready to get away at any time and sometimes has to sleep outside to keep safe

Stuarts girlfriend knows nothing about the porn he watches every night , it’d only upset her

The kitchen is always a tip

One night Stuarts girlfriend Lindsey walks in on him when hes watching porn and does her nut .
“ You fucking bastard how do you think this makes me feel ? Like some kind of glorified social worker “
“Well stop acting like one then , you’ve got your fucking cyber relationships , go and bitch about me to Brenda and get out of my room “

He saunters down the road to the other dealers house . Nobody knows about it apart from his house fellows . The police wanted Lizzy to tell them where the dealers lived which would have put her in danger of reprisals , so she said she didn’t know

She met a guy called Mike who’s a bit of a computer nerd and refreshing after living with Stuart . Mike says hes not into porn . Famous last words she thinks … He doesn’t drink or smoke , you could say hes a bit emo straight edged as they called it back in the 1980s . Back when drug addiction and mental health issues became cool

Lizzy told the police she is on medication and they left her alone , but were not concerned about her living in the attic in a drug den

Mike was a sweet guy until he met Lizzy . Unfortunately she brought out the werewolf in him. He wasn’t usually violent but she felt he might be and his rages would terrify her . But he was full of adventure and adrenalin and she found him very exciting and different from other guys. Taking her to realms of experience shed never seen in her academic life 

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fiction page 121 mother , pg 122 311024 the author page 123 , 011124

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fiction page 111 to 114 poverty , Mike and Simon , page 115 outsider on to page 120 camping , work

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fiction up to page 104 online abuse and offline abuse and to page 110

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271024 4 pm then theres people from other minorities taking it out on the disabled