301118 

I'm still carrying her corpse 

301118 

im in and out the toilet   
and i can't concentrate 

291118 

someone like my brother 
is prepared to die for his beliefs 

i can't get out from under 
the sounds of the jungle 
my secret forest 

271118

there is something happening hormonally
i feel i ought to have a child
not baby broody like i used to

just there should be something child shaped 

so yes i risk to interfere
and undermine the parents 

a barren woman causing trouble

i feel left out

that i can't share the memories 

because i am child free 

my experience is not valued 

i can relate to the position they are in
watching a child living in a disturbed home

today I'm not missing my mother 

I'm feeling the loss of a child 

271118 

what an idiot ! 
look what you've done 
how dare i speak to myself like that 

always rushing to get somewhere 
bothering people with my neediness 
like a baby chimp  

knocking on doors 
nobody wants to know  
nobody has the time 
to talk to me any more  

my fickle heart 
stays loyal to each one 

261118 

the current keeps pulling me back 
so have to keep fighting 
to go uphill 

241118 

i feel like I'm 
carrying this huge weight on my back 
and i don't know what it is 

221118 

i still have framed photographs of them 

oh the Trixy meercat
was my first cyber child 

and then there was Isaac Nomane Blotch 
by a different father 
he was a baby horse 

211118 

I'm as vulnerable as that chimp 
they can do what they want with me 

211118 

i want to be one of those chimps 
where is the sanctuary for humans 
with people lovingly washing my face 

im an endangered species 
without a smart phone 
i slowly open a bottle 
like an orangutan 
finding it all very interesting 

the glory of total freedom 
roaming around the streets screaming 
i could do whatever i wanted 
i had no fear 

she took a running leap 

held in the love of strangers 
screaming in agony 

181118 

Stockholm

they took out my soul 

171118 / 211118 

let us hear the music 
of our own voices 

so i said to the 9 year old 
you will never know 
if i cheated at Jack Straws 
while your back was turned 

watching the television 

161118

especially with all the visibility going on 

is Brexit the 3rd world war ? 
isn't it our turn 
to do a Gandhi ? 

101118 / 111118

mummy must have been very hurt 
that her little girl 
got on so well with her step mother 

she has betrayed her mummy 
what cruel trick is this 

such a punishment for her 

i need to be adopted 

091118 

so i thought 
what would i say at his funeral ? 

081118 

how come we fought the Germans 
in two world wars 
when we have a German queen ? 

061118 

a smelly animal 

051118 



he found her dead on the floor 
n his heart is nuked 

n its all my fault 
a little dictator 
like a badly trained dog 

want to squeeze mummy 
and cuddle her back to life 
is there no end to the evil 
this little baby girl has perpetrated ?

selfish 
bad little baby girl 

inappropriate 
for her to enjoy life 
without her  
she must embody the tragedy 

oh no 
she has broken her mummy 

trying to grasp at thin air  
where she left 
my frustration knows no bounds 

the sweetest gentlest little deer of a Mummy
you could wish for 

want to hold her close 
and feel her heart 

theres blood on my hands and feet 
at the risk of making myself 
very unpopular 
i dont understand business
i just lie and i cheat  
with my dodgy hooded eyes

are we sweet enough ? 
n i believe in euthanasia  

i dabbled in the occult 
n we're no little angels 
the paint has a life of its own 

n every day I'm crackin up 
in this day of the dead 

051118 

bumptious and testy 
a little dictator 
like a badly trained dog 

041118

want to squeeze mummy 
and cuddle her back to life 

n now she has no cute little babies of her own ... 

021118

mummy decided 
she couldn't carry on 

n now she has hurt 
her father and brother as well 
is there no end to the evil 
this little baby girl has perpetrated ?

selfish 
bad little baby girl 

011118

she must live her life in penance 
she has left her mummy to die 

a damning indictment 
of the little baby girl 

inappropriate 
for her to enjoy life 
without her mummy 
she must embody the tragedy 

oh no 
she has broken her mummy