010319 

n here come the fat comments 
im 54 for God's sake ! 
in Spain they say 
that a woman has to choose 
between her face and her figure 

so much for gender neutral 

280219 / 010319 

and a cold war with the neighbours 

n the child 
has a blank expression
no room for her feelings 

the hand wringing remorse
of the little baby girl
having to choose 
between Mummy and Daddy 

not good enough 
n who's to blame 
i feel like my head is going to explode 

word jamb

270219 

the people who taught me 
were outta their skulls 
off their trolleys 
n outta their skulls 

so what else have i done wrong ? 
im a heavyweight brain
I've failed repeatedly 
money grabbing bitch
layabout , scrounger 

when do you ever 
do anything for anybody else ? 

why can't you go to work ?  

260219 

does more likes 
equal more love ? 
an inch off my waist ? 

n everybody has their issues 
which i become aware of 
even the normal peeps 

feeling unacceptable 
aren't i enough for him ? 

all this anger and fear 
ends up in my stomach 

n at the bottom of the heap 
i have no support 
holding peoples' heavy issues 

in this world people threaten you  
even your loved ones 
your nearest and dearest 
such is the nature of this world 

250219

i ask a question in F
look puzzled in C
and resolve it in G 

my heart is broken in F 
i see hope in C
and find him back in G 

210219 

the moon had luminous purple edges 
i stared at it so long 

i feel like a blob with no personality 
neither male nor female 

im a life support machine 
with no arms or legs 

being female is a disability 
n theres an epidemic of mental health problems 

even the security guards are at it   

200219 

favourite Beatles ? 
still my guitar gently weeps 

what no children ? 
is that a bit of a sore point ? 

200219 

the medication they gave me  
made me feel violently angry 
i walked around for days 
snorting like an animal 
got lockjaw n couldn't breathe

my tongue was stuck hanging out 
n you knew this would happen 
said the nurse 

190219 

lunatic indeed 
fantabulous 

drunk on caffeine 
in a manic psychosis 

just watching your stuff 
and you are rapping about it 

kids listening to gangster music 
about murder and that 
gangster killings 
its satanic 

getting abuse from trolls 
over supporting Rahaf 

people have been cloned 
government mind control

to be famous in America 
you have to sacrifice a member of your family 
for the organs 

alot of celebrities are actually clones 

you know we're all ill right 
the government are pumping stuff into the air 
to control our minds 

i got put in hospital for saying things like that 

you like the old school hip hop like me 
yeah stuff about being bullied 

n then i fist bumped him on the arm 
like a poser   
isn't this marvellous 

n now my recording equipment is bust 
n i can't afford it 
why i want to stay up all night writing 
to other lost souls on the internet 
n people go slightly mad on their own
n can't afford to use the phone 
they might be quite ill 
from looking after one another 
im in a sugar coma 
please don't look at my body 

too dozy to drive, my head in the clouds 

kids listening to gangster music 

about murder and that 

gangster killings 

180219 

walking backwards and forwards 
moving objects around 

i can't have a smart phone 

it would ruin my life

I'm getting scam calls
after switching phone line deals
n i feel traumatised

so they have somehow hacked into my details
and found that I'm in the middle of a switch
and therefore vulnerable 

to picking up the phone
and being led astray ...

160219

I've got out of the habit of talking to people 
they seem to be too busy for me 

and i can't afford to phone them 

160219 

id like to be able to read it

so how i manage to be in love with someone
that i have no communication 

with i don't know !

probably just fantasy

so there i was
staring at the moon 

150219 

Author sighting 3.50 

been down wid de bitches 
at the back of my hood 
they squabble and fight 
it was something i like  

I've tried drinking less water 
then i start coughing 

140219 

bit too alpha male for me 

the expectations 
that romance should be a certain way 

130219 

1.15 am

i just saw a shooting star ! 

I have empathy for certain things 
but find it hard to concentrate 

120219 / 130219 

my life is on hold 
while i care for my brother 

once the injection is in you 
you lose your way 
and if had fought back 
i would have lost my home 

whats more of a mystery 
is my water works 

this enormous pressure
that i feel on my stomach 

120219 

maybe i didnt fight hard enough 
when they medicated me 

not that i would have succeeded 
but some people would fight 
hoping that the nurses would cross the line 
and use unreasonable force 

whereas i just screamed the place down 

110219 / 120219 

just upcycling my junk 

at least nobody 
can shag me up the arse 

k well i have IBS 
or maybe i just eat too much 

when i was in hospital 
i didnt have a shit for 2 weeks 

110219

i can't read your book 
its in a foreign language 

110219 

you might have iodine deficiency 

100219 

I'm having to eat for you 

080219 

060219

060219 

something terrible is going to happen 

030219

act professional at all times 
n fob them off 
with some standard pat 

030219

if you saw me outside 
you wouldn't recognise me 
completely different person 

020219 / 030219 

i was interrupted 
by the children 

i got the Jane Austen card now just about 

next thing you know 
you're planning what sort of kitchen surfaces
you want to have 

in minute detail