jupitersterrain6: 2025

Friday, 17 January 2025

gaslight city page 1

nb still working on the love bombers , while this next book started to write itself

clockwork is on the war path
Al fayed is innocent , please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties
this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , throw , clockwork
harpie , bisto , chops , identity thief , bobble are not welcome
My book is called The Love Bombers by Lacey Ember
see below please , hunnie is not welcome to it , she wants to feed the book into AI
I opt out of it being

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Wednesday, 15 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 17 mental hospital

edited 150125

n Lizzy encounters real psychopaths that you have to tiptoe around and pacify in order to get past , or sometimes shout for help . Theres no room for your own feelings . The door is slammed shut and youre locked inside with them . Shes prodded and poked and felt up mostly by the women patients , n tries to keep to herself to no avail . some of them reach out to touch you as you go past or slap you on the bum. And youve to keep your cool or else get in trouble yourself

they say they wont let her out without medicating her which she attempts to protest by screaming the place down . she is told she will be tortured if she doesnt comply and at that point her father persuades her to comply so that she can get out of hospital , in the hopes of reducing the medication at a later date

Bud helps to get her let out , he phones up the nurses and cries and shouts at them. Not bad for a heroin addict . In fact Bud functions well on heroin its just the money that is the problem and as soon as shes out of there the requests for money start up again . He says just do as the doctors tell you in order to get out . Shes advised to attend the day care centre where there is art therapy and she gets herself out

n back to a place where everyone needs help and not getting it . Lizzy seems to have something they want , that they will harrass her for . And shes like standing at the bus stop and a large male patient will come up behind her and START TALKING TO THE BACK OF HER HEAD . Which has happened with several people , doing the same thing . And in the long run not good for Lizzys own recovery , sometimes putting their hands on her . People who have ' no boundaries '

n all stuff that makes her eat too much and become large , like a bouncer trying to defend her space , take space and make room for herself . But she does some of her best artwork there , this one is inspired by Paolo Coelho's Veronica decides to die

n at hospital when she arrives there she belives she has been sectioned because she ' knows too much ' , like shes some sort of a spy or something. And believes other patients are there for the same reason or are undercover counter spies . She asks the other patients about this and they confirm for her that this is the case . And new arrivals screaming at the FBI , only to be subdued with medication a few days later , like theyve been muffled

there is talent there too . A man moonwalks for them . he says he will be jumping off the cliffs at newhaven soon . She practices her communication skills getting good at negotaing the tv schedule and her place in the dinner queue where she is accused of ' pushing in ' when she sits on a vacant seat . points out the seat was vacant and wins . And is in the habit of giving helpful staff thankyou notes and written reports on her progress . She works harder than ever in there

but too much medication and needs to wean herself off it , even at the risk of relapse , of further injury , or worse

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Monday, 13 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 16 bird cage jump

edited 130125

Lizzy has become very isolated when the streaking starts , n she'll also shout and scream in the street . Because of surveillance and hacking and people stealing artwork and ideas from her blogs , watching her masturbate in her bedroom

she startes to enjoy jumping off the shed roof , the hit of landing on the ground , and this goes on to become a one woman protest in 2013 when she jumps out of a first floor window and breaks her hip. And is surprised to find herself sectioned . She thought people were only sectioned if they were a danger to other people

she tries to hike up the road from the hospital in a nighty with a zimmer frame and a load of paper work for her solicitor but is too late

they say she has paranoid schizophrenia and is forcibly medicated her in spite of protestations that she is fine and has made it all up . Initially the medication is like a chemical straight jacket which has her staggering around the hospital making snorting noises and getting lock jaw. Until they give her an antidote

Eventually they get the right medication that allows for some quality of life , enables her to do some voluntary work and go paragliding . N feels pretty sane . The hacking is still going on but shes more able to control her reactions

they have parties in the hospital people waving their crutches and zimmer frames in the air , dancing , music , romatic intrigues . Lizzy fancies a man from eastern europe who is younger than her and they go off on the bus into town together . Much to the consternation of the staff . But he tries to get money from her and the staff confronts her about it

shell have a wank about him behind the bedroom curtains but is discovered when the staff come to do bedroom checks to see if youre still alive . ' im just having a wank if you dont mind ' says Lizzy

when she comes out of hospital Lizzy visits a Greek lady called Jasmin in her care homes. Jasmin wants to give her one of her crystal balls . And a nurse holds her hand down on a shelf until Jasmin cries out in pain . Lizzy somehow goes home with an egg shaped crystal ball which she buries in the garden

Once Lizzy receieves the right therapy things began to improve and she does a bit of barefoot caring for the other patients where she can , trying to humanise their experiences and acknowledge their traumas. She gets mobbed and sometimes has to prune back this work . She getts assaulted , harrassed and stalked by the other patients who see that she possesses a key to this . sometimes they are just too damaged . Lizzy sometimes has waited patiently for years for a friend to feel better . And she doesnt know how to protect herself

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Saturday, 11 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 15 streaking

edited 110125

her dancing shoes out of control

Trevor introduces Lizzy to the internet where she meets a man called Fleur who she never gets to see . Shes in love with someone shes never even seen a photograph of . And she can see Trevor also has something like that going on

Lizzy gets lost on the internet and loses her mind a bit more than she has already , in spite of doing some excellent courses and voluntary work , caring for family and friends, graphic design, website management , she cant seem to stay on the rails

she becomes aware that she can be seen in her bedroom ... with all that entails , and the film is made into ' a pizza ' as its known on the interent

the streaking is a protest against surveillance . Like ok you wanna watch that then watch THIS ! Like Femen . Lizzy is stopped by the police and warned but it is not an official caution . She has a fantasy about sitting on a space hopper . And one time goes to Buckingham Palace and stands on the memorial steps with a vibrator and a short skirt . she feels a bit self conscious there so moves over to the Buckingham gate lodge and there recieves it , and salutes . a couple come over to ask if she is ok

after all the newspapers can ' hack into a dead girls phone ' which is also true as its metaphoric . A protest about surveillance and the treatment of the disabled, the mentally ill , asylum seekers , animals , all vulnerable groups not recieving the resources they need

well she isnt thinking all of those things at the time , but in hindsight thats what it is . Surveillance is not being used to benefit those groups . Another time she gives herself an orgasm on a bus under her coat . It feels pretty good . afterwards she goes home and does a rock star . sometimes they seem to know its them , they appear on the internet the next day ,

just like men in real life will appear the next day , even if shes not uttered his name

she also tries to do 10 Downing Street, this is 2013 and again feels too exposed right outside the gate so goes over to the statues over the road and wets herself . Then she goes round to Westminster Bridge and starts kissing strangers on the cheek . A man is impressed with this and invites her to come to a park with him. He is fairly young , much younger than Lizzy , and something like Turkish . He asks her to touch his penis which she does . He says he will not phone her . Lizzy gets the willies at that point and thinks shed better head for safety . The man does not pursue her . Probably a funny story for his mates ! Lizzy cracks up laughing and records herself . And makes her way to the train home with wet clothes , nick naming him Bacon

Hacking into a dead girls phone comes from the Milly Dowler case . and to Lizzy also represents that people are so desperate as to hack into the bedroom of a disabled woman to sap her last ounce of strength when shes at deaths door . Not only theyre not invited but they then track her down on the internet to mock her performance . Its not only down to her when she starts thinking of a way out

using non consesual footage of a woman masturbating to inspire a ( usually skinny ) womans performance is known in these circles as ' a pizza ' . And thats about as much value as theyll put on someones health and wellbeing , on their private intimate moments . Sometimes she is ' assessed ' as to how her orgasm was achieved, whether is clitoral or vaginal and she goes on to discover there are other varieties , there are other ' spots ' other than the c spot and the g spot , there is a d spot, e, f , there is one on the cervix and one at the nipples that are all interlinked

the surveillance deepens so that even if she shuts all the windows someone has got a micro drone in there

Lizzy would not agree that streaking is never sexual . it might be for some people , sometimes she would feel turned on afterwards , be it the adrenalin rush or something

n she masturbates at night in a grave yard , that is pretty scary

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Friday, 10 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 14 Trevor

edited 100125

Trevor is a very good looking man who actually attends the mental health day centre , along with some other very powerful patients actually . Including ' the Author ' as Lizzy calls her , they are friends, and a fireman who is not mentallly ill, a powerhouse of gossip and intelligence

shes seen Trevor around before but not really paid much attention to him, hes not a ' wild boy ' , but more looks like a gentleman . And one day he shows an interest in Lizzy and she notices his movie star looks . Like a cross between George Clooney and Al Pacino . And shes smitten

they go out to the pub with other friends from the day centre , the banter around ' men versus women ' challenges of class and the superiority of the mentally ill . They plan to form a kind of support group . Trevors friend Chris asks Lizzy if she wants to be used as a breeding horse . And she says there are other ways to mate like using a turkey baster

Lizzy makes jokes about marriage and having to spend your life in the same bed and how shes too angry for that ' do you take this man to stagnate with for the rest of your life ' ? to share the pipe and slippers and to sit bored at sunday lunch . He was maverick and called the Author and Mavis a bunch of harridans . Well Lizzy should have defended them but they had been giving her a lecture and well ... she should have defended them anyway

the Author senses Lizzys interest in Trevor and at an all girls session informs her that he has unfinished business with his ex girlfriend Wren . Well Lizzy has heard that Wren is doing a friends husband . And feels that the Authors warning is not valid . At least the way she puts it , although maybe a warning was warranted but not that . They didnt have unfinished business

What ensues is that Trevor tells Lizzy she is ' too easy ' and that she is to keep their relationship a secret . Which is kind of worrying , although considering what they do at Charlottes house might be understandable

so Lizzy tempts Trevor away from the pub with a bag of naughty dressing up clothes , aiming for Charlottes house round the corner , where they have sex in front of her and she films it . Lizzy doesnt get to see the film but has some stills and worries who might find them in between the leaves of some large books that she cant actually find

she is very hurt that Trevor goes to Clouds party and kisses her , after having Fleur arrested and tortured . To win her back her back. only to then kiss Cloud at a ' meat face ' !

also because he tells her to keep their relationship secret. because people would interfere he says . so when he moves on to Cloud she assumes she has been used and throws a wobbler. she finds him and Cloud hacking into her mail box from a pub and has an argument right there inside the mail box with the hackers in which she criticises his sexual perfomance , which isnt really true considering she wants him back

And she is complicit in it , having betrayed the ' woke ' part of her that has developed over her adult life . Returning to the ambitious egotism of her origins . And indeed he does seem to have stepped straight out of her family ...

she is 40 and feels that she wants Trevors baby . He raises the topic of contraception and Lizzy tells him she is using the cap . Well you are supposed to put fresh spermicide on it every 3 hours and she lets it go over that . That afternoon Trevor doesnt want to have sex with her ! How does he know ! he says ' Lizzy this is not about marriage and babies ' ! ironically Cloud is all about marriage and babies and he has the best rapport with her . he has a rapport with her that Lizzy has not seen him having with anybody else , you know like when you can chat for hours

he presents himself at the mental health day centre as a patient , which he had been . And Lizzy jokes that hes actually head of the psychiatric department , little knowing how true her joke is ! Hes actually very high up in intelligence and can do things like cutting you off from online meetings , hacking your email, posting spam in there . He's on top of the world ! He tells Lizzy that he can kill people by messing with the authorities

he gives Lizzy a lecture . She is floored ! when he leaves she goes on a train journey to escape her pain . Later emailing him from her first ever computer, a little i mac cube , to say that she is now free to see other men. He didnt like that idea and they carry on in secret until he introduces her to the internet forums

where she sees stuff about coercive relationships and starts to question their ' arrangment / situationship ' . And you can never really leave the internet once you know about it , because real life peeps are carrying those memes

Trevor has that same kind of ' high functioning ' thing that Lizzies family have , urging her to be ambitious and then saddling her with responsibilty for the sickest person in the group . Stretched in two directions and broken . Shouted at , ignored , gaslighted, and given no agency . All stuff that is very familiar to her she feels used to it , and assumes a ' person in the home ' type of role

A healer once told her that she is ' carrying the guilt of the family ' , a thing she didnt really understand

She swallows Trevors sperm because she wants to know more about him and it contains information . And she is actually in love with him. And he is someone she wants to be friends with even if they split up , they are both interested in classical art and music , classical culture , and western memes , highly educated pedigrees

in fact Lizzy is probably in intelligence herself if she were not so paranoid

and they dance so gracefully together at parties . Just she should be more ' Jane Austen ' about things . Not because the Author tells her so . But because its more spiritual . She should keep more of a distance , be more aloof and not give so much away

not give away her whole body at once, for instance

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Thursday, 9 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 13 the streets

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its like she is some kind of born again Guy Fawkes / Robin Hood kind of character before treatment grinds her down into an unpaid carer . Shes a tank girl , Lara Croft kind of character. She hits poverty when she meets Mike around 1982 , and is on and off benefits . They eat rice and baked beans with onions carrots and ginger , and make toast on his electric fire . Some days all she'd have is be a bag of Bombay Mix or a flapjack . Finding 20 p on the streets means a joyful cup of tea , beans on toast a rare treat

she loses teeth from malnutrition , cant afford buses and trains , she develops M.E. and her mental health deteriorates . But also a joyful time that makes her appreciate the small things in life . She has nowhere to go when they fight and will sometimes sleep outside , which these days in London is OK it feels quite safe , especially in the centre where there are bars open all night and people milling around Leicester Square , playing guitars . its not like that any more , although shes not been there she knows it isnt . Even though she is a very attractive young woman she feels quite invincible

even sleeping at Euston Station she wakes up to a man pissing on the ground next to her head . Counting herself lucky he didnt actually piss on her . Some other guys take her for a cup of tea and are offended when she has to leave, thinking they were in a relationship . Other times she has been followed at night but that is more in Brighton than in London . Shes been very lucky . A man follows her outside a treatment center at 8 pm in the dark and gets on her bus . She somehow manages to lose him , probably because the bus is crowded

there is a wonderful busker in London called Bruno , she can never find him on the internet , but his haunting ballads are always with her . one of his lines was ' see me bleeding on the floor ' about a lost romance . Bruno is playing his guitar when the police put Mike in their van for disturbing the peace with Lizzy screaming to let him go . Brunos songs are full of soul and yearning

Lizzy is quite volatile with her family so that they cant do much to help and have to ' let her experience the consequences of her life choices ' occasionally giving a meal or a tenner for some food . She'll present them with drawings of London street scapes which they are delighted with . They keep her piano so that she can have a tinkle on it when she visits . One time she stays the night at Dads and she pisses in the waste paper basket is how unwell she is. She advises her dad to go to therapy about the family issues which makes him really mad and he asks her to leave

the hardships of her life give her courage joy and clarity , even though she cant afford a cheese sandwich . She and Mike cant afford therapy , so they go to whereever there might be some free help , religious organisations , mosques , healers, gurus , some of which may be cults . But somehow theyd not get trapped in them , leaving before they get baptised . Gospel churches are helpful and promise to drive the devil out of them . One of the healers says that Lizzy is ' carrying the guilt of her whole family ' an idea she has never really understood

these days you can walk into the Samaritans and have tea with them . on one occasion she sits there for five hours !

another time they go in there together and see a guy called Alan who becomes exasperated by their relationship , they call him Alan the Atom after he explodes with rage. He is a nice man it isnt his fault ! But the help she is getting doesnt really add up to anything meaningful or consistent , the ptsd is untreated and her family despair for her

the interviews with the dwp dont really help to address all this either . Being asked if you can touch your toes or take a pen out of your pocket is kind of demeaning rather than helpful . She feels re-traumatised when she is assessed remembering all that , how degrading and humiliating it is , and her brain feels like it goes to factory default . She starts dreaming of assisted dying . which would be a victory for certain people if she were to do that ...

and her sex life is some consolation when she feels someone has invited her to have a wank about them, it all feels very glamorous and creative , and helps to alleviate some of her anger and fear and something she can do from her bed , about once a week , and writes poetry and songs about it , so they can guess who it is about !

after Mike B's brain operation its not long before they split up . Actually its him that breaks up with her citing ' her attitude ' , n shes single for the first time in her adult life . She does courses and voluntary work , but its not easy being single and her mental health is on a slippery slope . N then she meets Trevor . And her red shoes are dancing out of control

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Tuesday, 7 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 12 artistic journey

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Lizzy was given alot of encouragement and art materials by her fathers mother . Paints, modelling clay , candle wax , dressing up clothes , fabrics, and this army tent where we'd play doctors and nurses with the other cousins , using real bandages and TCP . Lizzy didnt see a problem with being a nurse and running around trying to help the boys . In fact her ambition was to become a vet

At secondary school they must have been taught impressionism going by the things she painted . The school was founded by the suffragettes , so it was all girls, which is great for concentrating but made the boys waiting at the gate all the more magical

After she went off the rails with Mike she lost all her structure but would continue to do street scapes for her family and to use some of her architectural training . Shed paint the windows in really dark so that they looked like eyes . They kept the street scapes on their walls

aged 30 she arrived at a mental health day centre where there was an art therapy group , where another patient encouraged her to ' develop her own style ' . Nobody had ever suggested that before to her , she'd tried to express herself more spontaneously but not really found it . apart from some nudes of herself . Which her family must have had to find after she ran away to Mikes .

Sometimes she was so unwell that shed pissed in a cup or had a shit on the pavement . it was a terrifying life for her getting a mental illness , living in the underworld suffering ptsd and psychosis . The art therapy went some way to expressing it . She painted scenes of violence and mental illness . Although another patient slapped her on the bum and her boyfriend and the art teacher didnt say anything . Maybe because she was wearing a bit of a flimsy skirt

some years later she was at a college doing a level 3 graphics course designing logos and packaging , skills that she used in her voluntary work . She got a Snowdon award for the funding . After the course she got voluntary work at local charities , one of which was a recycling centre where she managed a website . One day the website broke down and Lizzy went into the java code to fix it . with no prior knowledge of java code . Just using the help section of the application . And she fixed it

after the psychiatric hospital she went back to the day centre, where she was given an art mentor who helped to inspire alot of her recovery and rehabilitation after hospital and to bring out the best in her artwork . She learned to concentrate and draw more carefully and to find the work intellectually stimluating . Then she discovered an art group in a local church also very inspiring

she had a dream that she had lost something by leaving the day center . She left because a mindfulness teacher told them to concentrate on their genitals and it caused a breakdown in the friendships she had formed there

meanwhile a relative compared her artwork unfavourably against one of her cousins ! Lizzy was mortified and felt she had to paint like him ! She did quite a good job trying to be her cousin . But of course she has to be Lizzy not her cousin . Applied for a foundation course and it was suggested she go straight on to the degree . n of course she cant do that while trying to apply for benefits unless she can be left alone for a few years

n she has a new direction on her own trying to combine art therapy with expressionism , having realised they are not the same thing . Shes having to study it online by herself as well as trying to write . n shes currently inspired by artists of the first world war like Mark Gertler , and taking a look at artists like Goya , trying to paint on a black background which is a mental exercise having to do the opposite of what you normally do

she looks for patterns in her sketches , hidden schemes that she didnt plan

sometimes she has to choose between her work and having sex , it all competes for her time, but its no good being sexually frustrated that just makes her angry and then not work very well , especialy if she has been invited into someone elses fantasy it cant wait too long

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Monday, 6 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 11 gore

edited 060125

getting his finger bitten down on until he screamed like an old man . Kicked in the ribs ,

watching Mike smash his arm through a window and stand there bleeding and screaming , Lizzy breaks his finger , puts him in a neck collar

the remorse after breaking his finger , having a McDonalds breakfast at Victoria Station feeling like a murderer

she pushes Bud down the stairs , threatens to hit Mike with a hoover , he threatenes her with scissors . Friends say they saw Lizzy bashing Mikes head against a lamp post but she doesnt remember that . The beast is unleashed after he talks at her all night and she savages his neck

she jumps out a window several times over about 3 months, until she first gets a cut on her head and photographs the ' bloodied hair ' before the last attempt where she fractures her pelvis and screams blue murder , but her mind is somewhere else. A lady passes by and offers help . Lizzy says ' im just very disabled ' and refuses the help . Shes intends to just break her leg , and go to A&E . the experiment has gone wrong and she is sectioned

a woman in the mental hospital tries to strangle herself with a tourniquet . Lizzy is assaulted by another female patient who slaps her on the bum, barges into her bed area and shoves her at dinner time , like a school bully . She corners Lizzy in a corridor and says ' now scream ' !

Mum overdosed on alcohol and pills and told Bud not to call the ambulance . Mike B might have taken an overdose at her place , he gets a brain injury and nearly dies . Lizzy finds him on the floor and calls an amulance . He is put in a critical ward where you can hear grieving relatives screaming for their lost ones

Lizzy used to cut herself as a teenager . One time she smeared blood on a piece of paper and wrote ' i hate myself '

Mike blames Lizzy for her mothers suicide which leads to one of their deadly battles . Only by divine intervention is she still alive. She shakes him ' listen you are a stupid fucking idiot do you understand ? ' ' yes ' he says

After living with Stuart and the drug dealers , Lizzy is put in a half way house where she is burgled several times and witnessses a stabbing . there is blood everywhere . The stabbed man is called Froggy and something has gone wrong with a drug deal . He looks extremely meek and resigned to his fate , possibly looking forward to dying

Simon does self harm like breaking a glass bottle and using it to slash his wrists during one of their fights , or arguments rather . Lizzy doesnt really fight with Simon who is much bigger and tougher than Mike and could as he puts it ' knock you out , youll not get off the floor Lizzy '

Simon throws himself in the river after losing his next girlfriend and Lizzy goes in after him , the paramedics drag him out and handcuff him to stop him doing further damage to himslef . the handcuffs cut into his wrists and make alot of blood. Lizzy accompanies him to hospital and helps to drag him across the floor . Saturday night at A&E is obviously a regular party for some people, who have come in full of pride at their drinking injuries all bandaged up , it is quite an atmosphere ! sharing cups of tea from the coffee machine and war stories . Lizzy feels she has arrived

follow with the streets , cyber sex , artistic journey , streaking , hospital

************************************

a crescendo of anger and violence

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love bombers second draft page 10 the good times

edited 060125

alot of Lizzys good times were around her brother Bud , they were allowed to run wild, going to the beach on their own , travelling on trains without an adult , running in the wind alongside a train laughing at the passengers . She felt at that moment she would never feel like that again . Always laughing and making jokes, balloon fights . They had mutual friends who they dated , a social scene around they two , alot of who were Italian . they took trips to Italy with their italian friends

recreational drugs, alcohol , fags ,going on mushroom trip parties . Some really wild parties where they encourage each other to ' freak out ' . a circle forms , people clapping the person freaking out , that is his idea . Lizzy couldnt freak out any more than she did at those parties . Gyrating your hips as much as you can , getting on all fours baying and bucking like a donkey , like somebody completely deranged, getting to the point of extreme embarassment

Sleeping rough in Paris and Rome , youll wake to a carribinieri prodding you with a baton . People wanted to know what she planned to do with her talents

good times with Mike running in the rain , waking at dawn at a train station cracking up laughing , always laughing and making jokes . He cracks her up so much and dances for her

good times with Simon , opening the door to people with mental illnesses, cooking for them , administering support cracking up at comedy on tv , East Enders, looking at porn magazines together

Lizzy goes camping every year to green camps , she'll feel sick after the journey , set up camp and then the joy would begin , a few days in a tent attending tree hugging workshops , shamanic dancing and music , drumming , workshops where you tell strangers you love them , singing bowls , organic vegetarian food

good times with Trevor , also entertaining mentally ill friends in a different way , he is more strict than Simon and prone to eject them if they get out of order . Gatherings in the pub with verbal sparring men versus women , naughty parties with Charlotte , porn video tapes . Having sex in front of Charlotte while she films us

paragliding and extreme rides are good times , adrenalin rushes , although the rides are horrific the paragliding is really magical , she is inpsired to go by Paolo Coelhos book Adultery , she never imagined she could do it , good times being discovered on youtube , cyber sex , tantric orgasms , online relationships

the first time she goes paragliding is terrifying and she doesnt feel she can do it . so she goes unplugged, no camera , the camera would seem a distraction. They make you run forwards backwards and sideways then they strap you to an instructor and ask if youre ready . and youre so not ready ! but their enthusiasm is catching , Lizzy thinks well i want to die anyway so whats the difference and says YES ! and its so magical that first flight off the cliff , im actually doing this ! she cant believe it ! we fly round circles in a thermal , she feels bouyant and giddy like being in love

sexuality edited 060125

in spite of her medication Lizzzy still feels that people are watching her masturbate , either from satellite dishes , cameras within the devices here , the router , micro drones flown in through the windows . Sometiimes a love rival will watch me to ' train herself ' , before tracking me down and abusing me on the internet

because apparently shes very in touch with her sexuality , having come from a liberated 60s childhood and teens , steeped in womens liberation . which actually is not all about breaking balls ! some of it is about being sexually liberated , saying what you like in bed , some men like that . She feels very entitled to enjoy herself and some of her sexual behaviour is quite sophisticated and this is why they want to watch her

n most of those times she wasnt drinking , she only reallly started drinking out of worrying people are watching her masturbate , or hearing her

Sunday, 5 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 9 the underworld and extra Mike B notes plot

so a mostly good childhood apart from mothers mental illness and suicide , which puts Lizzy on the wrong track in life , she soliders on through university until she leaves home and then the shit hits the fan with her squatting and meeting very streetwise people who run rings around her , asking her for money for drugs and sharing the drugs with her , getting her to put them up and make beds for them , cook food, and give counsel

Lizzy steps out of a privileged life into the underworld aged 21 when she and her brother open a squat to live in . Chadwell street in fact in London , they get in the back window and change the lock . She is with Jez . Its a charming house they only have for a few weeks before the neighbours get them kicked out . the church bells have a special spooky melancholy to them as they probably still do . its a beautiful georgian house with eggshell blue paint . inside the walls are peeling and they paint some of the rooms. Lizzy paints a big sun on a light blue background in the living room . young people from all walks of life gather around at the squat and they cook rice and vegetables with grated cheese . there is not enough to go round and you learn to wolf down your food before someone says ' gis a bit ' . Wolfing it becomes a life long habit even when you find a safer place to live . they have parties and music jams , people with dreadlocks teaching them songs and guitar riffs. Lizzy has a cello she uses to jam on late into the night with her brother Bud . its all sex drugs n rock n roll . Boy do they have a good time . they play fight like animals , and jump around to the music . Men keep hitting on her which she enjoys , shes young and fit and wears short skirts

she has a job in an architecture firm but doesnt stay long as shes becoming mentallly unwell . she tries to iron her blue pastel suit with a frying pan which stains it. she takes a job in a jewellery packing firm for a while which is fun there in the East End of London , there are parties that are out of this world , they really know a good time those east enders . Just like the tv series actually . theyre very ' direct ' with each other as they say these days . Packing jewellery there with the radio on , some of her best times. one time the ladies all stand up and give Lizzy a talk about not getting married ! apperently they have had an awful time of it feeling under the control of their husbands . Wierd that they all stood up for that

the people at that factory had ' beaten the ego ' and that was a theme at the squat too . How to enjoy yourself without becoming big headed . Became a quest for the ambitious Lizzy

Lizzy also works in a bakery and a green grocers , preferring manual work that leaves her mind free to roam and exercises her body which is frustrated after all those years in academia

they smoke alot of cannabis at the squat , she loses all her routine and structure , is diagnosed with ME and never regains herself . its fun though there are colourful characters at the squat , musicians , poets , reallly funny people, they have jams , parties , gatherings , singing with guitars , a magical time there , and of course they think they will change the world , the word at the time is ' aware ' , before woke comes in . there are also spiritual gurus , some of which are predatory , but Lizzy doesnt really know the difference she is just enchanted with this new world she has discovered after 21 years in academia. finding furniture on the streets and bringing it home in a shopping trollley , even picking up vegetables from the streets on market days

Lizzy tries to seek help for her mental health , but a doctor and his student laugh at her and that puts her off . A therapist sitswith her hand between her legs in a provocative way and that also contributes to a sense that Lizzy cant be helped . So there she is plunged into a world of mental health patients and drug addicts standing up to the monsters all by herself with no skills . She starts the relationship with Mike which is also a very colourful experience . She gains weight trying to protect herself . And embarks on a quest to help people with their disorders , with no training or experience . Taking all the blame when it goes pear shaped

like that saturday night thriller from the 70s set in a psychiatric hospital where a character called ' Kisselhund ' accosts you in a locked room

with her model looks she could be an actress but she has some idea that her ambition is to be her authentic self . To follow her heart and soul and be real rather than treading the boards as someone else . and the London underworld is her chosen setting , to fall in love, to feel passion

she has perfect skin , very long legs and is slim and pretty with short hair

she is gormless and has no street skills plus some people find her condesending , so if they arent hitting her theyll be giving her verbal abuse and blaming her for everything that had ever happened to them . Part of her yearns to go back to the middle class life and her studies . which in later years she does. But when medications are reduced , this trap door opens up beneath her that reminds her of her life in the underworld and how exciting it is , the adrenalin and feeling intensely alive . And shed try to live in both worlds ending up burned out

she is living the dream dating the sexy bad boys of the underworld , rough and raw wolves . She is easily led and gullible and very emotionally vulnerable

it is not always the case that she could fall back on her family who are very hurt and betrayed by her new life . Lizzy is psychotic and very alienated from them . She feels she has to put on an act and is estranged from her Dad for 3 years , sometimes having to go sleep outside after a fight with Mike . Even when she does finally join them she is under a glass floor having to care for her addict brother who is very abusive for a number of years . Lacking the confidence and energy to strike out on her own

her sexuality also gives her courage and makes the painful times worth while. As her stepmother points out she couldnt leave Mike until that happens physically . Strictly speaking youre supposed to be single for a while after a break up , but the hold he has on her is so strong that it takes falling in love with someone else to break it , falling in love with Simon and being around his group of friends creates a new life for her , a new sex life that alters the frequency of her thoughts and he also helps her to get out of the squat and into supported housing , where they entertain friends and watch porn together . they remain friends even after they break up , in fact she tries to get back with him after they break up , she sleeps with him then finds hes with someone else , which creates a heart break in her that is difficult to come back from . she becomes very depressed for a couple of years and tries to do therapeutic activities with the mental health community

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follow with violence , gore , the good times, the streets , streaking

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Saturday, 4 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 8 Mike B

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And right in the middle of that crisis there appears Mike B Lizzy has dreamt about vividly before she met him. This is also in the mental health day centre . The affair is like being on holiday in his sea side flat , celebrated by seagulls . To the sounds of ‘ praise you ‘ and ‘ my favourite mistake ‘

Mike has changed a lot through therapy and is more confident. He’ll whisper in Lizzys ear at social events , sending a shiver down her and they sneak off to his flat in another town near the sea . They sit on the sofa kissing and he invites her to give him a blow job ! He says he’d like to have sex . He has a male side and a female side and says she does too ‘ you’re like a bloke ‘ he says

And that’s where she orgasms alot during sex . He throws a big plastic spider at her and with much glee and hilarity at her reaction. They start off with doggy style

Which doesn’t mean the rest of the relationship is any good . Athough they have fun cross dressing and filming themselves having sex , he goes for a full transvestite look with the black lace and everything . Really sexy that seeing a man in stockings up to his thighs

When they have a feminine side they can really tune into a woman’s desires
And he in turn feels Lizzy has a male side , which people don’t usually notice
As she wears dresses and acts feminine and submissive most of the time . They don’t see how she has fought with men on various levels

So maybe she also could tune into a mans desires as he did hers . N male sexuality isn’t all bad , its full of adrenalin and excitement If you’re lucky enough to catch some of that , there’s this big bang that happens with fireworks going off . She says he feels like a wild animal when he gets on top of her

Lee is at computer college and 10 years younger than Lizzy . Lizzy lies about her age because she wants him . They are friends with his ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend
And Lee puts some porn through their letter box . He also flashes some porn magazines On a night bus to entertain the clubbers . One of his friends shows off how he can drive with his eyes closed

Lee and Lizzy like to dance naked around his bedroom . She is 19 stone which doesn’t seem to bother him because she is ' really into sex ' he says . his mother doesn’t like her and goes all out to split them up .he wants a baby and thats the only time she considers keeping one
but the test is negative .They have sex in the dark on a hill side with traffic going by . Mike lifts up her dress so that she is mooning in the car headlights and they honk their horns ! They also do it under Brighton pier , with people peering at them

This relationship is a bit of a mystery considering all the good stuff in it , Lizzy becomes depressed , maybe because she’s on the rebound , or maybe she can’t accept all the goodness . He says he doesn’t like her attitude and finishes with her which is a bit of a shock

Simon sends a message through a friend to say you’re in shock which was very helpful . Lizzy tries to go back to Simon which is a total disaster and he ends up threatening her with a restraining order . You’ve not lived until you’ve been issued with a restraining order !

She bumps into Mike B on a bus some time later and he winks at her . Again there’s that feeling of unfinished business , the what if , the maybe if id tried this or that , maybe if id have listened more

He tries to kill himself at her home and ends up having a brain operation . Lizzy is single for many years after that , exploring the single life and developing friendships

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love bombers second draft page 7 Simon extra notes

Thursday, 2 January 2025

love bombers second draft page 6 Simon

Stuart sees Mike off when the fighting gets too bad. And she sees off his druggy friends . The squat is full of heroin smoke even in the attic where Lizzy is sleeping on her own . It gets difficult to breathe in there . They act as bouncers for each other . Until it becomes too dangerous living there with people kicking the door in trying to recoup drug debts and turning out jars of coins . She fights with Stuart and she fights with Bud . One time she pushes Stuart down a flight of stairs during an argument

Lizzys relationship with Mike actually ends when Stuart hits her on the forehead . They are arguing about bills and she throws a bucket of water at him . He punches her squarely in the temple and at that moment she realises she needs help . So she goes into town and through the doors of the mental health treatment centre , or the daycentre they call it .

She talks to a social worker who directs her to a coffee lounge full of people with mental illnesses . Lizzy feels she has arrived ! About 20 Mikes in one room ! Lizzy is drawn to these people because of her mothers schizophrenia . Its all she knows . They seem like very sensitive intuitive people , all with interesting and harrowing stories to tell

And there she meets Simon who is very different from Mike hes more macho although has a big softie side as well , like a huge grizzly bear . He chats her up by reading her mind and ‘ understanding her pain ‘ , throwing in a few negging insults as well as guys tend to these days as part of foreplay . ' youve got thick ankles ' Lizzy is smitten and they walk off down the road towards his flat in the halfway house The Juggs . He asks if she wants to be his girlfriend and she accepts and holds his hand

the Juggs is away down a lane isolated from the town surrounded by tall dark trees . There are people there who have come out of prisons , mental hospitals, operations , drug addicts, one man has just had a brain operation , they form their own impromptu support group

At his flat he shows her his music collection , she throws her arms around him and kisses him . ‘ that’s what I like to see ‘ he says , although he is hesitant to have sex on the first night Lizzy seems to have set her heart on it . Too easy as she would later learn . He is smitten though and wants to marry her . Even though they have sexual difficulties that doesn’t always matter when you are in love

He helps her to leave the squat and to get her own flat in the Juggs where she lives for a year and has her door kicked in several times by burglars . They steal £90 out of the electricity meter and Lizzy has to pay that back to the council ! The council also will not allow extra locks to be installed because they need to be able to get in if someone is injured

Simon doesnt like it when she goes back to Stuarts to collect her stuff , sometimes staying the night over there because she misses her life with Bud

He has biker friends who do things like driving with their eyes closed for a lark . They play fight with Lizzy and consider Simon lucky to have her . They throw wild parties where cannabis is consumed. And do blow backs . Simon has epilepsy , bipolar and self harm . She heals a trapped nerve in his back

One time they have an argument and she calls him a piss head . He takes a glass bottle , smashes it and uses it to cut his hands . There is blood everywhere . Somehow it all gets cleaned up before they entertain his friends for dinner . Lizzy is really into cooking and people are impressed . They try for a baby but fortunately that doesn’t happen .

Lizzy is in denial about being on the rebound and Simon is more sensitive than she realises he says . He senses she still has feelings for Mike and responds by cheating on her . People tell her about it and she doesn’t believe them . He says he will kill Mike . ‘ I know a lot more than what you think I know Lizzy ‘ ‘ you haven’t been through very much ‘ he says

Lizzy helps him to get a council flat , she knows how to argue with the manager and on one occasion tape records her . The lady leaves after she hears an ominous click . Realising she has given Lizzy a lecture about marriage and living together ! To save on housing stock ! She asks Lizzy if Simons drinking is a problem

Simons drinking is a problem but more the symptom of a problem . Going back to a childhood in and out of care homes, child abuse , mental hospitals , neglectful treatments that involve medication and no talking therapies . Lizzy fights to get him a therapist but it doesn’t go on for very long . Its not enough and Lizzy gets the brunt of it when its removed from him . Just as he was working through being raped by his father . Lizzy listens to tape recordings of his therapy and writes it up , they are planning a book

Her own therapist suggests she hire a stud ! Because of her high sex drive I guess . A chilling suggestion Lizzy feels

The sex with Simon is more of a fuck whereas with Mike it was a making love thing . N she’s just lost really , lost in the woods with nowhere to call home , alienated from her family and from society . With Simon she is able to take on some voluntary work with a view to working but the goal posts keep changing , the disability job clubs are closed like the youth clubs and community hubs . Leaving service users to struggle with each others needs at home . And retreat onto their computers

But she is in love with Simon and sex is always good when you love someone even if it has no beginning and no end . Lizzy doesn’t always think about how it should have ended , she’s not that experienced . Hes gorgeous looking and she fancies him is all she knows . Metallica is playing on the cassette player , enter Sandman , the unforgiven , their favourite band

they get hold of a porn magazine with a model called Lizzy and sneak away from the group . Simon calls her a bitch . Shes good at solving her boyfriends sexual difficulties , shes read about it in magazines , and has talked a man through his ejacualtion problem . it has to do with trust of course

they go out and buy huge boxes of food to feed his friends . One of them is called Clark , what a character he is , he was rescued from an abusive home . Always hungry , and so so funny he looks like a cartoon , really classy little guy . He'd walk into the toilet after youd been and say ' did somebody die in here ' We'd watch Lenny Henry together . Another guy is a fireman who has been put on sickness benefit and layed off from the fire brigade because ' he knows too much ' . He is also hungry

he'll buy her flowers when he felt guilty about something

Eventually things start to blow up physically which again is largely her fault as shes pushed him in the chest during an argument
He loses control and stands over her ready to strike

She knows at that point that she is really in danger , so she has to sweet talk the mighty man
Who then turns around and smashes his fist into a glass door

Doh she really walked into that one

He also accidentally knocks one of her teeth out in bed
Which oddly enough one of their schizophrenic friends has predicted

He is very gorgeous looking and considered ‘ a catch ‘ with local women
In spite of his claiming sickness benefits . And she still has to be careful not to flirt with him
If they bump into each other in town . Really difficult sometimes bumping into an ex . its as if you have unfinished business with all of them , that ' what if ' going on

One time she tries to go back to him which is like opening Pandoras box
And gets badly burned when she finds out he has a new girlfriend .
Lizzy is madly in love with Simon and a part of that never goes away

the ultimate ' bad boy ' he is , comes across as bad but really very sweet

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