standing up to boyz edit page 1

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the hospital jury said that Charlotte ' lacks capacity ' and does not have ' insight ' into her own mental health . But they agreed that hacking does happen . She was not allowed out as she was not dressed decently in the hospital gown which is open at the back . Which she was forced to wear . Her own clothes having been torn off her .She felt like she was in prison . And screamed the place down 

from 2013 , ' Standing up to Boyz ' 

Im going to kick the ball 
n I'm going to kick it hard 

what does that mean ? well something like im getting ready for my next organism and recieving ' bids ' from different men who pitch their words and poems and articles for me , see which man makes me come . Sometimes the person who got me started is not the person i finish with 

so when does having a voice 
become a bit of a tease ? 

sometimes it was me 
that put the pressure on 

cus i wanna nail this guy 
n plant a flag 

there were a couple of guys 
who kept the banter up 
n that really helped 

so what if i want to take a step back 
when we're almost there 
n my legs have turned to jelly 

n then he called me the virgin mary 
because i wouldn't take it offf 
i just froze n i went all stiff 
n i let him have his way 
n now i can't say no to this day 
i know you think I'm a tease but please 
take your hand off my knee 

n its worse
after I've had a couple of drinks 

n this is how much lorazepam 
n antipsychotics it takes 
to make me forget 

n yeah its my fault 
i said i wanted a bad boy 

n whats all that about ? 
unavailable drunk n married men 
seems to be a pattern 


a blinding rage 

nobody ever spoke about marriage 
when i was growing up 
it was all about the career and having fun , partying , 
n no effin housework 
was written on the wall 

so can you use protection we say 
yes 
and then he doesnt 
n it doesnt seem cool to protest 
n after a couple of bites 
he does seem a bit iffy 

standing up to boyz
can be difficult 
especially when you wanna do it 
n you wanna do it 
but you're not really sure 

n we're already hypnotised 
open your mouth 
before you open your legs 
to have a voice 

saying what we want to happen 
in the bedroom 

expressing a sexual thought 
is seen as a pitch 

everything stops 
with a kind of reverence 

n I'm under the glass floor 
unable to buy or sell 

im not responsible 
for his behaviour 

even if A WOMAN IS TALKING ABOUT SEX 



n a self defense course could realy enhance your sex life 

he pushes me in the chest , says hes just being friendly 
 **********
Charlotte doesnt realise that people can see her bottom at the back because the hospital gown is open . why are they made like that ?  Why are people sniggering . She somehow managed to go out anyway . People thought she was doing it for attention and she got a reputation for it 
 ironically there was one patient in there who had only a year to live . While others are trying to bring their time forward . The terminal one is incenced at this , they dont know how lucky they are . And points out to Charlotte that her rear is visible . What does he have to lose ? 
Crystal herself was flashed at when she was at school on her way home. And on the train . She got up and moved to sit between two ladies . When Charlotte went to the same girls school there was porn strewn on the ground on their way home . Some of the girls could make quips at the sniggering boys hanging about 
Uncle Rory was very interested in watching Charlotte be changed. and raved about her beauty when she turned thirteen  
 
**********
Pearl  scowls at Charlotte across the coffee house table in a passive aggressive way  . she has planned some fat shaming for later . Her words hiss through her teeth as she tries to make converation . She kicks her bag at Charlotte under the table and says that she called her psychiatrist a fat pig . Charlotte wondered about Pearls intentions when she said that all men are rapists . Yet still the penny did not drop 
Trevor joined them and decided to disabuse Charlotte of her naivety . Extinction of men on the horizon . And it was not until some years later that Anna realised what Pearl wanted  . They were sitting in a cosy village pub trying to form their own support group . Unfortunatly Charlotte had developed a crush on Trevor . Who had dated another lady in their circles and Pearl was against it 
To onlookers they looked a motley crew , not smart , not working people , not aristocracy , but not vagrants either , they were difficult to place. And appeared to be having intelligent conversation and laughing heartily . They were not really buying enough drinks  . Are they poets ? criminals ? 
Pearl thinks that Trevor will take advantage of Charlotte and resolves to keep them apart . So theres Trevor trying to protect her from Pearl and Pearl trying to protect her from Trevor !  
 
Pearl deliberately contributed to loss of services in order to foster ddependency on herself thus giving herself a monopoly
**********
Kal is a woman whisperer 
the peace and love of the sixties was a real thing that Charlotte was born into . In spite of all the divorces it was in the air like a constant summer , insects buzzing like they're on acid 
Trevor is getting the pervert next door to Charlotte to control her with banging noises whenever she is communicating with Kal  

****************

with the name of an early riser you can sleep till noon 
N i didn't stop
In spite of obstacles 
I reached another plane 
Where they couldn't find me 

17 minutes n we're stompin the streets 

her vulnerable was like a Greek myth
The gossip terrible