jupitersterrain6

Tuesday, 12 November 2024

edit page 10 thrill seeking

clockwork is on the war path
Al fayed is innocent , please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties
this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , throw , clockwork
harpie , bisto , chops , identity thief , bobble are not welcome
My book is called The Love Bombers by Lacey Ember
see below please , hunnie is not welcome to it , she wants to feed the book into AI
I opt out of it being used to train AI

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Lizzy felt certain thrills in her teenage years chasing boys and riding a bike through London . Taking LSD . It was when she met Mike that it really ramped up . The adrenalin involved in their fights , in running away , sleeping rough , and other men she had fights with , play fights with Simon , where hed throw her on the bed and shed try to get up again . She no longer went after the friend of the one she wanted !

the thrill of a new fling , seducing Trevor, who she felt was out of her league . And then becoming isolated in her creativity , streaking , and finally jumping off the shed and out the window several times, she felt she was really living out her destiny . then even on medication going on extreme rides, the booster ride and on to the paragliding trips , always about flying and jumping off things

the booster ride was the most horrific thing , being thrown around in the seat bashed against the walls of the car , one second your down and then next your 150 feet in the air . there was a magical moment at the end sitting at the top looking out over the sea

paragliding was a dreamy experience, giving access to the dream world , she was inspired by her favourite author Paolo Coelho . Reading about his paragliding experience she felt it was out of her grasp , but talking to people she met some who had done it

and the instructors have a special way of psyching you up for it

' oh youll love flying off a cliff ' she said as she strapped Lizzy in . they warm you up making you run backwards forwards and sideways , then you have to really go for it when the sail goes up . Floating off into a dream

this poem is from 2017 after her first trip

paragliding ballet

turning in to the wind
lean to the left, lean to the right,
sit back and enjoy the ride
attuned to the current

stamping the turf
n the wind's too light,
n the wind's too strong

standing my ground

swept off my feet
catching the breeze
in love with the adrenalin

surrounded ...
the tug of the ropes
a powerful force pulling you backwards
senses heightened

excited like a child
even with classical music

and they mustn't collide ...

the sheer torture of that moment
i keep re-living the horror ...

I felt like i was on a broomstick
in a Harry Potter film !

theres a kind of scuffle
like a rugby scrum
as you try to take off
i went unplugged
so i could feel the ride
the fear was excruciating
a magical feeling

i prayed to the Hindu god of wind

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since then she had operations for her injuries which precludes those kind of thrills but has just been for her first tattoo

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Monday, 11 November 2024

edit page 9 the underworld

Lizzy stepped out of a privileged life into the underworld aged 21 when she and her brother opened a squat to live in . Chadwell street in fact in London , they got in the back window and changed the lock . She was with Jez . It was a charming house they only had for a few weeks before the neighbours got them kicked out . the church bells had a special spooky melancholy to them as they probably still do

she had a job in an architecture firm but didnt stay long as she was becoming mentallly unwell . she tried to iron her blue pastel suit with a frying pan . she took a job in a jewellery packing firm for a while which was fun there in the East End of London , there were parties that were out of this world , they really knew a good time . Just like the tv series actually

they smoked alot of cannabis at the squat , she lost all her routine and structure , was diagnosed with ME and never regained herself . it was fun though there were colourful characters at the squat , musicians , poets , reallly funny people, they had jams , parties , gatherings , singing with guitars , a magical time there , and of course they thought they would change the world , the word at the time was ' aware ' , before woke came in . there were also spiritual gurus , some of which were predatory , but Lizzy didnt really know the difference she was just enchanted with this new world she had discovered after 21 years in academia

Lizzy tried to seek help for her mental health , but a doctor and his student laughed at her and that put her off . A therapist sat with her hand between her legs in a provocative way and that also contributed to a sense that Lizzy couldnt be helped . So there she was plunged into a world of mental health patients and drug addicts standing up to the monsters all by herself with no skills . She started the relationship with Mike which was also a very colourful experience . She gained weight trying to protect herself . And embarked on a quest to help people with their disorders , with no training or experience . Taking all the blame when it went pear shaped

with her model looks she could have been an actress but she had some idea that her ambition was to be her authentic self . To follow her heart and soul and be authentic rather than treading the boards as someone else . and the London underworld was her chosen setting

she had perfect skin , very long legs and was slim and pretty with short hair

she was gormless and had no street skills plus some people found her condesending , so if they werent hitting her theyd be giving her verbal abuse and blaming her for everything that had ever happened to them . Part of her yearned to go back to the middle class life and her studies . which in later years she did. But when medications are reduced , this trap door opens up beneath her that reminds her of her life in the underworld and how exciting it was , the adrenalin and feeling intensely alive . And shed try to live in both worlds ending up burned out

she was living the dream dating the sexy bad boys of the underworld , rough and raw

it was not always the case that she could fall back on her family who were very hurt and betrayed by her new life . Lizzy was very psychotic and alienated from them . She felt she had to put on an act and was estranged from her Dad for 3 years , sometimes having to sleep outside after a fight with Mike . Even when she did finally join them she was under a glass floor having to care for her addict brother who was very abusive for a number of years . Lacking the confidence and energy to strike out on her own

her sexuality also gave her courage and made the painful times worth while. As her stepmother pointed out she couldnt leave Mike until that happened physically . Strictly speaking youre supposed to be single for a while after a break up , but the hold he had on her was so strong that it took falling in love with someone else to break it , falling in love with Simon and being around his groups of friends created a new life for her , a new sex life that altered the frequency of her thoughts and he also helped her to get out of the squat and into supported housing , where theyd entertain friends and watch porn together . they remained friends even after they broke up , in fact she tried to get back with him after they broke up , she slept with him then found he was with someone else , which created a heart break that was difficult to come back from . she became very depressed for a couple of years and tried to do therapeutic activities with the mental health community

and Lee she thinks might have tried to kill himself in her home , she found him unconscious on the floor and called an ambulance . he wanted to marry her and that was not to be , she wasnt ready for marriage at that point even at 35 years old , even though it was the best sex , she would have more likely married Simon

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Sunday, 10 November 2024

edit page 8 surveillance

flash mobs , street theater , actresses stopping outside Lizzys window to yak , percussion from neighbours , fireworks , to deliver subliminals , usually about whatever man Lizzy is interested in . Whispering to her of his infidelities . Sometimes its true sometimes it isnt . In restaurants actresses will positioin themselves near her saying things like ' soft soap the nurses ' , or ' shes been so much better since shes been with a woman '

she switches on the tv to more subliminals, adverts aimed at influencing her , a brash chorus of crass jokes and malicious jibes . sometimes intended to protect her but just really irritating when youre aware of it

their web cams leave cookie trails that put their wives and girlfriends at risk

Lizzy feels abused when their cam girls track her down online and shame her age and appearance in order to enhance their own orgasms . Her interpetation of the Leveson Enquiry that its about the extent of media intrusion , given that its impossible to get rid of the technology . Some women realising theyre being watched , play up to the camera realising it can get them places if they do a good orgasm

so we're in a sense complicit although nobody has any choice about it . But with greater transparency people would be better informed about their bedroom footage , and would have the choice to draw the curtains , cover themselves with a sheet , or cover the computers

land of the free ? well relatively so yes . but more work to be done , to break down the zerzetzung , bandwagons , sanctions, even assassination if you stray from the norm for instance if you love someone the state hasnt approved for you . Lizzy believes that it should be possible to keep a peaceful status quo while allowing more alternative voices to be heard

during her illness she masturbated in quite a few public toilets with people banging on the door complaining including the janitors . Shed go to a place where she felt powerless like the doctors surgery and do it in their loos . Another time she was in a park in the rain looking for a mouse to put into her vagina , but was confronted by the park warden . those were dark lonely times , masturbating in woodlands, a disused railway track , dangerous places, outside the half way house , an empty warehouse .

it felt like a good way to appreciate nature looking at trees while she orgasmed

and she doesnt want to end up being tortured for her disclosures

one of Lizzys friends from the day center said there is something wrong with Trevor , she had a dream about it , and this affected Lizzy and stuck with her . Not usually does she remember other peoples dreams

when Lizzy jumped out of the window she had been reading an article about Bitcoin and interpreted that we are all going to be sold to the global elite . She felt she had to do something to stand for our humanity . And stand she did and was sectioned for it , where there was no internet available . there was even some joy in it all being off the internet for a while and honing her communciation skills , she got very good at negotiating what she wanted to watch on tv . Trevor has watched over all this with some good husbandry , although never contacts her even though he has her details

in fact she had a fling with a man she didnt love when she was very unwell , she made it clear to him that she wasnt in love. He promised to use a condom but probably didnt although Lizzy was half unconscious from some amyl nitrate he had held up to her nose , a very caustic substance a friend of hers was hospitalised for . The man became verbally abusive afterwards and Lizzy cut off all contact with him

Lizzy is now ' a protected beach ' which she very much appreciates , although what happens when she reduces her meds and starts to come to life ? in fact even the doctors have hurried this along

Trevor is very much an ' alpha male ' with the attendent reticence about feelings , he could have struck while the iron was hot . Before he got this mysterious relationship with a refugee

who he opens up with ! and lets his guard down with her . And yet its as if Lizzy is the wife and shes the mistress . A wife he never speaks to and shes sure a story that many women will relate to

so why not ' modernise ' the situation , recognise Lizzy as a colleague and stop restricting her movements

Dev is more communicative with her and is friends with Jez and other members of the watchdog . A possibilty for things to be different

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Saturday, 9 November 2024

edit page 7 Trevor

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she was very hurt that Trevor went to Clouds party and kissed her , after having Fleur arrested and tortured . To win her back her back. only to then kiss Cloud , a ' meat face ' !

also because he had told her to keep their relationship secret. because people would interfere he said . so when he moved on to Cloud she assumed she had been used and threw a wobbler. she found him and Cloud hacking into her mail box from a pub and had an argument right in the mail box with the hackers in which she criticised his sexual perfomance , which wasnt really true considering she wanted him back

And she was complicit in it , having betrayed the ' woke ' part of her that had developed over her adult life . Returning to the ambitious egotism of her origins . And indeed he does seem to have stepped straight out of her family ...

she was 40 and felt that she wanted Trevors baby . He raised the topic of contraception and Lizzy told him she was using the cap . Well you are supposed to put fresh spermicide on it every 3 hours and she let it go over that . That afternoon Trevor didnt want to have sex with her ! How did he know ! he said ' Lizzy this is not about marriage and babies ' ! ironically Cloud is all about marriage and babies and he has the best rapport with her . he has a rapport with her that ive not seen him having with anybody else , you know like when you can chat for hours

he presented himself at the mental health day centre as a patient , which he had been . And Lizzy joked that hes actually head of the psychiatric department , little knowing how true her joke was ! Hes actually very high up in intelligence and can do things like cutting you off from online meetings , hacking your email, posting spam in there . He's on top of the world !

he gave Lizzy a lecture . She was floored ! when he left she went on a train journey to escape her pain . Later emailing him from her first ever computer to say that she is now free to see other men. He didnt like that idea and they carried on in secret until he introduced her to the internet forums

where she saw stuff about coercive relationships and started to question their arrangment / situationship . And you can never really leave the internet once you know about it , because real life peeps are carrying those memes

Trevor had that same kind of ' high functioning ' thing that Lizzies family have , urging her to be ambitious and then saddling her with responsibilty for the sickest person in the group . Stretched in two directions and broken . Shouted at , ignored , gaslighted, and given no agency . All stuff that is very familiar to her she feels used to it , and assumes a ' person in the home ' type of role

A healer once told her that she is ' carrying the guilt of the family ' , a thing she didnt really understand

She swallowed Trevors sperm because she wanted to know more about him and it contained information . And she was actually in love with him too

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Friday, 8 November 2024

edit page 6 disability , early life , sexuality

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she experienced emotional extremes going from one bad relationship to another , not really allowing for her grief . And the difficulty being consistent for the new guy with that going on . enough to break your soul

soulbreak

how does her disability affect her ?she crosses over the road when people are trying to spray her with germs . There are articles in the paper written for her. Hundreds of people try to watch her in her bedroom . shes been told this is paranoid schizophrenia and forcibly medicated for it. she has maybe a third of the energy of a neurotypical . The medication stops her screaming at people in the streets . she has no agency and people take advantage of her , she gets used to fill in gaps in social care, because of her caring nature and inability to ' work ' . her work goes unrecognised and unappreciated. she has suicidal thoughts

being almost bed bound she has alot of fun with cyber sex sometimes with normies, sometimes other disabled people . she has bursts of creativity when shes up and about . And some people feel she has become powerful as is also the author who is also stuck at home on her computer

she was born at home in 1964 , her mother was 18 and using nothing but gas. While Dad was 17 and played the guitar during the birth. There was a cherry blossom tree outside the window in Richmond. Mum felt weak afterwards so Dad changed Lizzies nappies for the first two weeks. Maybe explains why shes trusting of men . she was yellow with a pointed head and someone left a bottle of wine outside the door with no note

her earliest memory was her first birthday being carried into a darkened room where there was a cake lit with candles and the family sat around underlit , an exciting memory that epecially she remembers her Dads sister there . And when her brother was born a year later she was trying to help him get to know the teddy bears , travellling around in an enormous pram . Dad would continue to play guitar at their bed sides , mainly Donovans windy city and hush little baby .

when she was 5 they got divorced and Mum moved to the suburbs where she was sexually abused by both grand parents .

when Lizzy was 5 she had a kind of a ' sensual relationship ' with another 5 year old. In which they did pretty much everything short of actually having sex . Lizzy had not been exposed to any adult material at that age , but maybe the boy was. he invited another girl to join them but she walked off . The boys mother came in and was a bit disturbed by what she saw and said we're going out to the park now . i guess the permissive 60s affected even the children , there were other children at nursery school that wanted to do intimate things like that in West Hampstead in the late 1960s playing ' doctors and nurses ' , spanking games etc. Lizzy didnt think of it as anything particulary unsual and no adults or older children were involved

Lizzy as a child was spooked by ghosts and visions. Screaming for help thinking the bed was covered in spiders , a cupboard door blown open by the wind, in an old house in northumberland . Because there were two stair cases in that old house with crumbling wall paper and a smell of moth balls . it was freezing even in the summer . and youd get up early sweep the grate and make a fire before other people were awake

She felt that the adults where ' not really there ' , that nobody was really there in fact . there was alot of drinking going on every day

mum kept up a valliant effort until Lizzy and Bud were teenagers when their nonchalant behaviour broke her spirit and brought out her schizophrenic behaviour . she would level accusations particularly at Lizzy who she felt was too concerned with her studies and not paying enough attention to her . She made 18 suicide attempts before she succeeded . Lizzy was at Dads house so Bud was on his own with mum when she died. She made to shush him to stop him calling the ambulance so one can only imagine the grief and trauma that he has gone through

Lizzy in her teens had crushes on Adam Ant and Mick Jagger both of whom she had seen live . Along with Freddie Mercury at Wembly . Lizzy lacked confidence because of her mothers illness and would feel thwarted in getting the boy she wanted . So had a habit of dating the friend of the boy she really wanted . There was an A Level study course at Oxford and a boy there that looked like Jagger , who Lizzy managed to get off with in fact she tried and failed to lose her virginity with him . He asked her to ' put some effort into it ' ! He had to go back to Devon where he had a girlfriend but turned up in London a few years later and was again interested in Lizzy who had anorexia by then and was in a relatiohship with Jez

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Thursday, 7 November 2024

edit page 5 post 2008 Jez Mike Surveillance hospital sexuality

clockwork is on the war path

Al fayed is innocent , please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , throw , clockwork

harpie , bisto , chops , identity thief , bobble are not welcome

My book is called The Love Bombers by Lacey Ember

see below please , hunnie is not welcome to it , she wants to feed the book into AI

I opt out of it being used to train AI

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK

harpie , bisto , chops , identity thief , bobble are not welcome

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but did she set out to attract powerful men no ! in fact she started her relationship career going down the ladder actually in terms of status to date Mike who was unemployed . but up in terms of excitement and its that excitement that has driven her , the peak experiences of being in love , the adventures

not sure shes actually dated anyone sucessful , she have never been on ' a proper date '

if there is such a thing , or a classic date with restaurant and film

she alwasy thought it must be a bit odd drinking lots of wine on a first date and then going to a film ! how would you get to know anyone that way !

Jez she met at Picadilli Circus under the statue of Eros

where he asked her for a light and endeavoured to keep her warm

nor has she dated anyone from the internet in real life apart from on zoom

on the internet shes dated and ' married ' rock stars , politicians and other powerful men, gurus, influencers, social media stars all without any direct contact , just her comments a reply to theirs and theirs to her an article in a newspaper written for her

recently she ' bumped into ' Mike on the internet and they have quite a rapport talking about art and music, Lou Reed , Jack Kerouak and stuff , self care , our families , creativity

except he hasnt acknowledged that they know each other ! and some of the family stuff he has made up . she wondered if the relationship would work now that they've both had treatment . Probably not . the flashbacks would come up and be triggering . And he says he has another love over the other side of the globe

also in his favour he mixes with mentally ill people in real life and copes pretty well with it , which very few people would do , its very different to administer to people in real life , not just on the internet . But no it wouldnt work , the flash backs would be too much . He'll be a great catch for someone else , hes worked really hard on his recovery

also post 2008 she became aware that people can see her masturbating in her bedroom . On satellite cameras . she staged a one woman protest about it in 2013 where she jumped out of the window, having also done some streaking . Like you wanna see this well see THIS then !

if youre lucky you can dissociate from pain . Like when she went over the handle bars of her bike alll she felt was an adrenalin rush . she jumped out of the window feeling it was the right thing to do , to protest about surveillance , exploitation of women, satellite footage of our bedrooms, the massacre of the disabled, she broke her hip and screamed in agony but it was like she was somewhere else. When the ambulance arrived she was sobbing with grief for Bottle

she was sectioned for the reason that she mentioned the surveillance aspect , it went to a tribunal in the hospital and some of the doctors acknowleded that things like hacking and surveillance do exist . it was felt that not everybody jumps out of a window because of it . And they came to feel that she was psychotic. Which probably she was having not recieved any kind of intelligent help for the PTSD . she earned the label of paranoid schizophrenia and was forcibly medicated on Christmas Eve 2013 . Which to her mind was when the watchdogs were all down the pub ! shed also been trying to seek legal advice , and she think they wanted to medicate her before she got going in that direction

the first medication they tried was really a chemical straightjacket that had her pacing the hospital snorting and getting lockjaw until they found an antidote for it. Which has allowed her to do some voluntary work and go paragliding and have some sort of a quality of life

and she feel kind of super normal ! so now she no longer wanders the streets screaming and shouting , although she does still feel that people are watching her masturbate . they have micro drones now that try to get in the window when shes about to do it . Sometimes a love rival will get hold of the footage and use it to ' train ' herself , then will track her down on a public board to tell her about it . she doesnt think she had much sexual abuse in the past but she sure does now . Some love rivals just resort to things like fat shaming on public boards, they find this helps them to keep their weight down to ' dump ' on Lizzy , and this aids them in achieving their own orgasms

apparently shes very in touch with her sexuality having come from a ' liberated ' 60s childhood and teens steeped in womens liberation . Which shes interpreted in her own way to be quite disihibited and entitled to enjoy herself , and some of her sexual behaviour has been quite sopshisticated and elevated to an art form . Especially during the change , when your body is hankering for a last ditch chance of a baby

and also she would assert that you cant get this if you are starving yourself of food . she was slim for so many years she never was able to explore her sexuality like this , to really prioritise her own pleasure

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Tuesday, 5 November 2024

edit page 4 plus two pages on streaking , Lee, Trevor

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , if youve come to steal or take the piss you are not welcome. I opt out of having this used to train AI, my book is called The Love Bombers by Lacey Ember

Lee and Lizzy would dance naked around his bedroom . She was 19 stone which didnt seem to bother him

because she was ' really into sex ' he said

his mother didnt like her and went all out to split them up

he wanted a baby and thats the only time she considered keeping one

but the test was negative

after they split up she was single for about four years

which was hard for her not having a man around

she made friends and did courses and employment schemes for the disabled but they all closed under the labour government in the late 90s . Instead the disabled were expected to provide each others care to save money . The benefits are not alot of money considering what kinds of unpaid work they had to do

she had this group of mentally ill friends which included the author and a bisexual woman called Margot . Shed seen Trevor around for a number of years and thought he was a bit quiet and retiring so was surprised when she started to fancy him

the author picked up on this and told her that he had unfinished business with his ex . Who Lizzy happened to know was doing her friends husband . she felt as if the author was trying to stop her having fun . Faced with the possiblitly of raunchy parties around Brookes place LIzzy was tempted to abandon the author

round Brookes the conversation was always about sex and Trevor and Lizzy would strip off and do sexual things in front of Brooke which she filmed . Lizzy never recieved the film but got some stills, there are prints of it somewhere between the leaves of some large books . Which shes worried her cleaning lady will find

around 2005 Trevor introduced Lizzy to the internet. Shed just got her first computer, a little imac cube . And would invite Trevor round to help set it up and because she also wanted to have sex with him. He said she was ' too easy '

They had alot of fun and joy setting up browsers and graphics programmes , whooping with triumph when something worked . It took a while to get him into bed , he was difficult about it but they did cry out

he showed Lizzy his poetry blog which had a link on it to a mental health website which she thinks was run by the author . On that website she met a man called Flora who turned her on and things were not the same with Trevor after that . And Trevor had something going on with Cloud although its not clear which was the chicken or the egg in the situation

there was this ' zerzetsung ' thing happend with Flora and Lizzy threatened with torture . Under which Lizzy buckled and got back into the relationship with Trevor , unaware of the full implications of that as she was new to the internet . she slept with Trevor , then he went to Clouds party and kissed her in real life

which seemed to Lizzy at the time to be a death knell for them getting back together . And things just were not the same any more

Flora and she had an internet affair which ran on and off for twenty years . And theyve also described themselves as ' c twins '

one evening Lizzy noticed that someone was hacking into her email box and it seemd to be Trevor . she replied to the spam to which he replied ' ten ' . Then she noticed that his girlfriend Cloud was in there too ! apparently they were sitting in a pub reading her email box and she layed into them in an email to herself

And Trevor himself is some sort of intelligence agent she thinks , not sure which country he works for or how she knows this . she been told its just paranoia . they have alot in common culturally interest in classical arts and western culture . Well she thinks so , shes not really sure sometimes where his sympathies lie and hes not very forthcoming about it , hes a bit of a dark horse

shes considered him for a life partner though on the basis that hes part of her network

hes an intelligence agent whos in love with an illegal immigrant ! Which is kind of inevitable really . Not sure if thats still going on but she didnt feel it was something she could compete with

n theyre at the top of the internet looking at how best to support the disabled, the mentally ill, the asylum seekers how are these vulnerable people to be supported

Lizzy has told Trevor many times that he needs person centred Rogerian Psychotherapy . and hes like ' oh ive had CBT ' ! Not the same thing at all ! it just skims the surface and the whole world is suffering for it . Thomas the Tank Engine therapy !

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the fling was behind me but i dont remember anything going in