clockwork is on the war path
Al fayed is innocent , please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties
this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , throw , clockwork
harpie , bisto , chops , identity thief , bobble are not welcome
My book is called The Love Bombers by Lacey Ember
see below please , hunnie is not welcome to it , she wants to feed the book into AI
I opt out of it being use
151124
its like she was some kind of born again Guy Fawkes / Robin Hood kind of character before treatment shrunk her down to be an unpaid carer . She hit poverty when she met Mike around 1982 , and was on and off benefits . Theyd eat rice and baked beans with onions carrots and ginger , and make toast on his electric fire . Some days all she'd have would be a bag of Bombay Mix or a flapjack . Finding 20 p on the streets would mean a joyful cup of tea , beans on toast a rare treat
she lost teeth from malnutrition , couldnt afford buses and trains , she developed M.E. and her mental health deteriorated . But also a joyful time that made her appreciate the little things in life . She had nowhere to go when they fought and would sometimes sleep outside , which in those days in London was OK it felt quite safe , especially in the centre where there were bars open all night and people milling around Leicester Square , playing guitars . its not like that any more , although shes not been there she knows it isnt . Even though she was a very attractive young woman she felt quite invincible
Lizzy was quite volatile with her family so that they couldnt do much to help and had to ' let her experience the consequences of her life choices ' occasionally giving a meal or a tenner for some food . She'd present them with drawings of London street scapes which they were delighted with . They'd kept her piano so that she could have a tinkle on it when she visited . One time she stayed the night at Dads and she pissed in the waste paper basket is how unwell she was
the hardships of her life gave her courage joy and clarity , even though she couldnt afford a cheese sandwich . She and Mike couldnt afford therapy , so theyd go to whereever there might be some free help , religious organisations , mosques , healers, gurus , some of which may have been cults . But somehow theyd not get trapped in them , leaving before they could get baptised . Gospel churches were helpful
in those days you could walk into the Samaritans and have tea with them . on one occasion she sat there for five hours !
another time they went in there together and saw a guy called Alan who became exasperated by their relationship , they called him Alan the Atom after he exploded with rage. He was a nice man it wasnt his fault ! But the help she was getting didnt really add up to anything meaningful or consistent , the ptsd was untreated and her family despaired for her
the interviews with the dwp didnt really help to address all this . Being asked if you can touch your toes or take a pen out of your pocket is kind of demeaning rather than helpful . She feels re-traumatised when she is assessed remembering all that , how degrading and humiliating it is , and her brain feels like it goes to factory default . She starts dreaming of assisted dying
and her sex life is some consolation when she feels someone has invited her to have a wank about them, it all feels very glamorous and creative , and helps to alleviate some of her anger and fear and something she can do from her bed , about 3 times a week , and writes poetry and songs about it , so they can guess who it was about !
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161124 2.20 am
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